So I've been moved in to my dorm for almost two weeks now. My roommate and I are getting to the point where we're just about settled in. (At least I think so. I can't exactly speak for her I guess) We've just recently made some purchases to put the "finishing touches" on the room. You know what I mean; things to make it feel like a new home and not, y'know, extended summer camp.
For me, the homeyness (Wow, I can't believe that's an actual word) comes in way of posters, wall scrolls, bulletin board... Wall things. For the past week and a half the walls on my half of the room have been terribly bare. And it has been DRIVING ME CRAZY. I left home without wall things, thinking I could survive for a while without them, but realize now that it was a terrible mistake.
You laugh, but this has been causing me much undue stress and anxiety.
Luckily, my house house isn't that far from where I'm going to school, so I was able to fill the void in my life relatively quickly. I definitely didn't have any underlying motives when going home for a visit, what are you talking about? Gee, what a terrible person you are. You should fix that. Anyway, stop distracting me; I'm trying to write a blog!
So I finally got to bring some wall things to the room. The best part of it all was that my mum bought me some Command Strips to hang them up since we can't use nails or tape on the walls in the dorms. This was my face: :D I was almost as happy as when she bought me that set of coasters I'd had my eye on. But that's a different story. Anyway, so I was all ready to hang up my wall things with my brand new Command Strips. Things started promising. After some struggle and fancy math (Using a tape measure counts, right?) I was able to hang up my bulletin board. Bam. Two other wall things didn't even need Command Strips, so they were up soon after. Bam bam.
I was hanging the last poster when things went south. It wasn't that it wouldn't hang; it did! But when I stepped back I realized that the poster was a little higher than I wanted it to be (I'm OCD like that). Naturally, it had to come down.
Well, Command Strips are sticky. I know, duh. That's their one purpose. But I was determined, so I yanked it until it eventually came off the wall... Taking paint with it. I stared at the new brown spot on the wall for a moment, taking in what just happened and realizing that I live in a brand spankin' new dorm and just ripped brand spankin' new paint off the walls. COOL. Naturally, a mini-meltdown was in order. Complete with talking to myself in a blubbery frantic voice.
Needless to say, in my new terror of Command Strips, I haven't been able to hang up that poster. It's sitting against my closet with only a case of water bottles to keep it company, and it breaks my heart (and makes me a little twitchy) whenever I look at it. My room isn't really complete, and that poster in the corner is a reminder of that. A constant. Reminder.
Also, on a slightly less-important note, I'd like to offer some advice: When making Blizzard excursions to Dairy Queen when it's dark out, do watch out for college kids in cars. Because they drive like shit.
That didn't give you conversation whiplash too bad, right?
9/16/12
Old (Nerdy) Soul
So, move-in weekend on campus.
I'm very excited to be starting my college life, but it may not seem like it based on my activity the last couple days. I guess you could say I've been a little bit introverted. Not terribly, mind you. I've talked to lots of people and heard lots of names that I've inevitably forgotten already (That stuff will come with time, I'm sure :P). I've gone to all the rotational sessions that we've needed to attend for important information, buuut....
I haven't really done much on the "activities" side of things. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that the University makes such an effort to get the new students to be social and have fun before the serious stuff really starts, and I appreciate all the hard work the RAs do to that end. Nonetheless! I've, at least for a few years now, always been kind of an "old soul". I'm not a big activity/ice breaker person.
I came to this Welcome Weekend move-in thing very ecstatic about getting into my new room and getting classes started. Meeting people is very important, yes, and I'm excited to do that too! But I think I'll be able to do plenty of that once, y'know, the actual school starts.
All these activities kind of make me feel like I'm in summer camp. Believe me, I know how nerdy I sound when I say I'm excited to the point of butterflies about getting new textbooks and going to class. But that's just how I am! I'm a nerd. One with an old soul who'd probably rather be studying or sleeping than eating otter pops at midnight.
Then again, some could probably argue that I'm a cranky bent-over old woman instead of the much wiser-sounding "old soul" title I've chosen to go with. Suppose it depends on your perspective on camp activities. :P Anyway, just some thoughts! I promise I'm happy to be here!
But hm, old soul or snarly old lady? I guess it's a fine line I'm treading here. I'll let you guys make your own verdicts I suppose. :)
I'm very excited to be starting my college life, but it may not seem like it based on my activity the last couple days. I guess you could say I've been a little bit introverted. Not terribly, mind you. I've talked to lots of people and heard lots of names that I've inevitably forgotten already (That stuff will come with time, I'm sure :P). I've gone to all the rotational sessions that we've needed to attend for important information, buuut....
I haven't really done much on the "activities" side of things. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that the University makes such an effort to get the new students to be social and have fun before the serious stuff really starts, and I appreciate all the hard work the RAs do to that end. Nonetheless! I've, at least for a few years now, always been kind of an "old soul". I'm not a big activity/ice breaker person.
I came to this Welcome Weekend move-in thing very ecstatic about getting into my new room and getting classes started. Meeting people is very important, yes, and I'm excited to do that too! But I think I'll be able to do plenty of that once, y'know, the actual school starts.
All these activities kind of make me feel like I'm in summer camp. Believe me, I know how nerdy I sound when I say I'm excited to the point of butterflies about getting new textbooks and going to class. But that's just how I am! I'm a nerd. One with an old soul who'd probably rather be studying or sleeping than eating otter pops at midnight.
Then again, some could probably argue that I'm a cranky bent-over old woman instead of the much wiser-sounding "old soul" title I've chosen to go with. Suppose it depends on your perspective on camp activities. :P Anyway, just some thoughts! I promise I'm happy to be here!
But hm, old soul or snarly old lady? I guess it's a fine line I'm treading here. I'll let you guys make your own verdicts I suppose. :)
9/11/12
Automated Emails and Moo-la
I suppose automated emails DO have a purpose, but they're a little confusing to me... At least, the ones that I seem to keep getting. The "Hi! This is an automated email to say that we got your email!" email.
I mean, I guess they're good because they let you know that your email was received, but... Honestly, I'd rather wait a day or two and get an actual response from the person I'm trying to get in touch with than get an automated message saying that they'll get around to responding when they get a chance. Especially when time is, shall we say, of the essence.
To make the title of this post relevant, I guess I should include that the automated email in question is regarding that wonderful thing called money. Don't we all love it? I won't go into details, but it's a very delicate matter, let me say that.
What I will tell you is that having my first real job and making money this summer has shown me how much money I don't have. :P Also, it's made me more of a frugal shopper because it's far too easy to think "Well, I'll just buy one or two things..." and then at the end of the day go, "Holy heart failure, where did my food money go??"
Anyway! Just a little rant. Good to be back. :)
I mean, I guess they're good because they let you know that your email was received, but... Honestly, I'd rather wait a day or two and get an actual response from the person I'm trying to get in touch with than get an automated message saying that they'll get around to responding when they get a chance. Especially when time is, shall we say, of the essence.
To make the title of this post relevant, I guess I should include that the automated email in question is regarding that wonderful thing called money. Don't we all love it? I won't go into details, but it's a very delicate matter, let me say that.
What I will tell you is that having my first real job and making money this summer has shown me how much money I don't have. :P Also, it's made me more of a frugal shopper because it's far too easy to think "Well, I'll just buy one or two things..." and then at the end of the day go, "Holy heart failure, where did my food money go??"
Anyway! Just a little rant. Good to be back. :)
6/5/12
The Zoo! And On A Side Note, Planet Of The Freakin' Apes
Back from the dead! (Or so it would seem)
For some reason, this blog has fallen by the wayside in recent times. I don't think I've posted anything since February. Hm. I could say that I've been busy, which I have, but that's kind of a cop out. I think I've just been lazy.
Anyway, so one of my good friends Michael and I (There's a link to his blog at the top of the homepage actually.) went to the Woodland Park Zoo this last weekend. It was pretty awesome. A good time to be had by all. Aside from the depressing fact that we were never actually able to find that free-roaming peacock (It was hiding out on top of the gift store. That's right. The top. The ROOF.), it was good. But it also made me realize how paranoid I am.
Michael and I spent a large majority of the time talking about how easy it would to be for the animals to escape. And how terrifying it would be if that happened. Honestly, all I could think about was Planet of the Apes. As we were passing through the OPEN orangutan exhibit, I kept waiting for Caesar to swing down and rally the animals together.
Then one of the orangutans would point to me and Michael and go, "There! Get them first! They were the ones making fun of me for eating Romaine!"
Romaine lettuce seemed to be a staple for most of the animals at the zoo actually. We had a few chuckles about that. And about the absolutely adorable sounds that porcupines make. But I digress.
Maybe Michael and I are just slightly on the crazy side, but sometimes you just wonder... Especially when you go to the tiger exhibit, see that there's no tiger, and then hear the man standing next to you say: "Didja hear about a few years ago when one of the animals got loose?"
Yeah. I'll meet you guys in the bunker.
For some reason, this blog has fallen by the wayside in recent times. I don't think I've posted anything since February. Hm. I could say that I've been busy, which I have, but that's kind of a cop out. I think I've just been lazy.
Anyway, so one of my good friends Michael and I (There's a link to his blog at the top of the homepage actually.) went to the Woodland Park Zoo this last weekend. It was pretty awesome. A good time to be had by all. Aside from the depressing fact that we were never actually able to find that free-roaming peacock (It was hiding out on top of the gift store. That's right. The top. The ROOF.), it was good. But it also made me realize how paranoid I am.
Michael and I spent a large majority of the time talking about how easy it would to be for the animals to escape. And how terrifying it would be if that happened. Honestly, all I could think about was Planet of the Apes. As we were passing through the OPEN orangutan exhibit, I kept waiting for Caesar to swing down and rally the animals together.
Then one of the orangutans would point to me and Michael and go, "There! Get them first! They were the ones making fun of me for eating Romaine!"
Romaine lettuce seemed to be a staple for most of the animals at the zoo actually. We had a few chuckles about that. And about the absolutely adorable sounds that porcupines make. But I digress.
Maybe Michael and I are just slightly on the crazy side, but sometimes you just wonder... Especially when you go to the tiger exhibit, see that there's no tiger, and then hear the man standing next to you say: "Didja hear about a few years ago when one of the animals got loose?"
Yeah. I'll meet you guys in the bunker.
3/18/12
Abrupt Conversation Stop Signs
So you know what's awkward? When you're telling a story to someone and they turn away from you right in the middle of your sentence to say something to someone else.
It's kind of like if you were driving down the highway at 70 mph and then all of a sudden a stop sign appeared. Both experiences may give you extreme whiplash and road rage.
Not only is it the slightest bit rude, even if the person didn't intend it to be, it's kind of hard to recover from. You're just left standing there blinking with your mouth open: "So then I told the guy- Oh, or you could talk to someone else. I'm not telling a story or anything, THAT'S COOL."
Then, usually, the person just turns back to you and expects you to continue with your story. Now, in protest of this ridiculous rudeness, I've been telling myself to just not finish the story. After all, it would serve them right! ... But. Unfortunately, I always really want to tell the story, so I have to finish it. I find myself mentally banging my head against the wall for it later, but I have to finish the story.
Curse my need to have complete thoughts!
It's kind of like if you were driving down the highway at 70 mph and then all of a sudden a stop sign appeared. Both experiences may give you extreme whiplash and road rage.
Not only is it the slightest bit rude, even if the person didn't intend it to be, it's kind of hard to recover from. You're just left standing there blinking with your mouth open: "So then I told the guy- Oh, or you could talk to someone else. I'm not telling a story or anything, THAT'S COOL."
Then, usually, the person just turns back to you and expects you to continue with your story. Now, in protest of this ridiculous rudeness, I've been telling myself to just not finish the story. After all, it would serve them right! ... But. Unfortunately, I always really want to tell the story, so I have to finish it. I find myself mentally banging my head against the wall for it later, but I have to finish the story.
Curse my need to have complete thoughts!
3/9/12
Bad Decisions and Silver Linings
So, by now I've realized that humans make bad decisions. A lot. I myself, have made quite a few bad (rather, stupid) decisions in my short life.
Most of these decisions just seem to come back and bite us in the butt. They can totally ruin an otherwise happy day or even a whole week. They can sometimes destroy you mentally.
But there's a silver lining to these bad things.
Almost every time, whether we realize it or not, the bad decisions we make give us a ton to learn from. Making mistakes is one of the most (for lack of a better word) powerful ways to learn, and to even change as a person. If people didn't make mistakes, then I don't think we would ever grow. Granted, we have to make a decision about what we do with our mistakes as well. We can choose to learn from them, or just shove them away and ignore them. Choosing the former is always the better option, I think.
Anyway, I made a bad (mostly stupid) choice yesterday, and I paid for it today. It was painful, but it really made me realize that, for my own sake, I'd better not be that stupid again. My blunder gave me a greater determination to make sure I stay clear of future blunders like it. I don't think I would have that determination if I didn't make that mistake, so I'm actually kind of glad it happened.
Silver linings are everywhere, y'know. They're just in the eye of the beholder.
Have you ever made a bad (or herp-y) decision that you were able to learn from later? Do you think it made you a better person?
Most of these decisions just seem to come back and bite us in the butt. They can totally ruin an otherwise happy day or even a whole week. They can sometimes destroy you mentally.
But there's a silver lining to these bad things.
Almost every time, whether we realize it or not, the bad decisions we make give us a ton to learn from. Making mistakes is one of the most (for lack of a better word) powerful ways to learn, and to even change as a person. If people didn't make mistakes, then I don't think we would ever grow. Granted, we have to make a decision about what we do with our mistakes as well. We can choose to learn from them, or just shove them away and ignore them. Choosing the former is always the better option, I think.
Anyway, I made a bad (mostly stupid) choice yesterday, and I paid for it today. It was painful, but it really made me realize that, for my own sake, I'd better not be that stupid again. My blunder gave me a greater determination to make sure I stay clear of future blunders like it. I don't think I would have that determination if I didn't make that mistake, so I'm actually kind of glad it happened.
Silver linings are everywhere, y'know. They're just in the eye of the beholder.
Have you ever made a bad (or herp-y) decision that you were able to learn from later? Do you think it made you a better person?
3/5/12
An Internal Struggle... About Books
I have this checklist thing that I do every night when I lay down to go to bed.
For usually about half an hour, I run through my entire day in my head. From the time I headed out the door to go to Jazz Band to the homework that I just got finished with (probably at a later time than is acceptable). After I run through my day, I ask myself a series of questions that inadvertently make my brain spring off into totally different directions.
The first question I ask is: Did I finish all of my homework? I run through my school day again and try to remember what we did in class and what I've done for homework. I like to consider myself an organized person. But I'm also quite paranoid and a chronic worrier. So even if I KNOW I've gotten all of my assignments done, I still worry that I missed something. One of my greatest fears is waking up one morning and realizing that I forgot to do an assignment. Pretty stressful. As I said earlier, these questions and doubts make my mind ask other questions: Do we have a test tomorrow? Oh no, we have a test, what if I'm not ready for it? When is the deadline for that project?
But after a while, it's not enough that I worry about school. I have to worry about everything else in my life. And by that I mean insignificant things that I could probably go for many years without worrying about.
My most recent string of worry stemmed from books. It went down kinda like this:
"I have to finish Lord of the Rings. Soon. I'm so close, just need to read a little more. When will I have time to finish it? Will I finish it? Oh no, I've started reading Sherlock Holmes too. I'm terrified of reading two books at once, what if I get things all jumbled up and suddenly Sherlock's taking a case from Frodo? I have too many freakin' books. Will I even be able to finish them before I graduate? I'm halfway done with the Language Wars, but after that I have to read that other book from Anderson, will I have time? Oh yay, my Bioterrorism book came in the mail today. Now I have ANOTHER book to read. ... Speaking of Sherlock, I wonder when the third season will come out? Oh, what if BBC decides to cut the show's funding?! No, that's ridiculous, it's a really popular show... But so was Firefly! GAH! IT COULD HAPPEN!"
From there I'm pretty sure it was an internal worry rant about how good shows are always cancelled early. But that's a subject for another day I suppose.
For usually about half an hour, I run through my entire day in my head. From the time I headed out the door to go to Jazz Band to the homework that I just got finished with (probably at a later time than is acceptable). After I run through my day, I ask myself a series of questions that inadvertently make my brain spring off into totally different directions.
The first question I ask is: Did I finish all of my homework? I run through my school day again and try to remember what we did in class and what I've done for homework. I like to consider myself an organized person. But I'm also quite paranoid and a chronic worrier. So even if I KNOW I've gotten all of my assignments done, I still worry that I missed something. One of my greatest fears is waking up one morning and realizing that I forgot to do an assignment. Pretty stressful. As I said earlier, these questions and doubts make my mind ask other questions: Do we have a test tomorrow? Oh no, we have a test, what if I'm not ready for it? When is the deadline for that project?
But after a while, it's not enough that I worry about school. I have to worry about everything else in my life. And by that I mean insignificant things that I could probably go for many years without worrying about.
My most recent string of worry stemmed from books. It went down kinda like this:
"I have to finish Lord of the Rings. Soon. I'm so close, just need to read a little more. When will I have time to finish it? Will I finish it? Oh no, I've started reading Sherlock Holmes too. I'm terrified of reading two books at once, what if I get things all jumbled up and suddenly Sherlock's taking a case from Frodo? I have too many freakin' books. Will I even be able to finish them before I graduate? I'm halfway done with the Language Wars, but after that I have to read that other book from Anderson, will I have time? Oh yay, my Bioterrorism book came in the mail today. Now I have ANOTHER book to read. ... Speaking of Sherlock, I wonder when the third season will come out? Oh, what if BBC decides to cut the show's funding?! No, that's ridiculous, it's a really popular show... But so was Firefly! GAH! IT COULD HAPPEN!"
From there I'm pretty sure it was an internal worry rant about how good shows are always cancelled early. But that's a subject for another day I suppose.
3/3/12
Reckless Hallway Drivers
I knew it was only a matter of time until I had to blog about this.
The hallways at school are kind of like a two-lane highway. Between classes are the "rush hours" where people are trying to get from place to place. Or at least SOME people. When I go into the hallway after class, I usually mean business. But there's always challenges that come with trying to navigate the hallway highway. Here are a few:
1. The Slow Driver
It always happens. And usually only when you REALLY want to get somewhere too. You get stuck behind someone who's going at the speed of a snail, and as luck would have it, there's usually too much of a crowd for you to move around them. It's very frustrating. But you know what else is frustrating?
2. The Couple
Ooh, I have a personal vendetta against this one. Mostly because my locker is a magnet for gross displays of hormones. ("God in Heaven, I just want to put my Calculus book away! STOP THAT! Don't you need to breathe?!") One of the worst things about couples is that they're famously slow drivers as well. So now you're stuck behind two people who don't give a crap that you have places to go. Hand-holding makes this even more difficult, as you can't just push through.
3. The Roadblock
If you've been to a high school, you know the one. Though it's more likely a group of people than just a single person. These road blockers will stand right in the middle of the freakin' hallway and thereby make it ten million times more difficult for responsible drivers to pass. A few times I've noticed my own friend group doing this, and I freak out every time. Shoving may ensue. "We're doing that thing that I hate! Get out of the way! Before we become one of THEM!"
4. The Motorcycle
This one may seem a little confusing if you don't share my biased view of motorcycles. I'm talking about the motorcycles that constantly weave in and out of traffic, cutting off whoever is in their way. Those ones. They definitely in high school. Almost the opposite of the slow driver, motorcycles will cut you off because, darn it, they have things to do that are obviously more important than manners. Changing lanes abruptly in a high school highway is dangerous and just frelling annoying. It needs to be stopped. I recommend something with piranhas.
I'm sure that at least one of you has had an encounter with one of these terrible drivers. (if you haven't, you obviously have never even been IN a high school) Which driver type mentioned here do you dislike the most? And do you have any solutions as to how to deal with the jerkfaces? Do tell. :)
The hallways at school are kind of like a two-lane highway. Between classes are the "rush hours" where people are trying to get from place to place. Or at least SOME people. When I go into the hallway after class, I usually mean business. But there's always challenges that come with trying to navigate the hallway highway. Here are a few:
1. The Slow Driver
It always happens. And usually only when you REALLY want to get somewhere too. You get stuck behind someone who's going at the speed of a snail, and as luck would have it, there's usually too much of a crowd for you to move around them. It's very frustrating. But you know what else is frustrating?
2. The Couple
Ooh, I have a personal vendetta against this one. Mostly because my locker is a magnet for gross displays of hormones. ("God in Heaven, I just want to put my Calculus book away! STOP THAT! Don't you need to breathe?!") One of the worst things about couples is that they're famously slow drivers as well. So now you're stuck behind two people who don't give a crap that you have places to go. Hand-holding makes this even more difficult, as you can't just push through.
3. The Roadblock
If you've been to a high school, you know the one. Though it's more likely a group of people than just a single person. These road blockers will stand right in the middle of the freakin' hallway and thereby make it ten million times more difficult for responsible drivers to pass. A few times I've noticed my own friend group doing this, and I freak out every time. Shoving may ensue. "We're doing that thing that I hate! Get out of the way! Before we become one of THEM!"
4. The Motorcycle
This one may seem a little confusing if you don't share my biased view of motorcycles. I'm talking about the motorcycles that constantly weave in and out of traffic, cutting off whoever is in their way. Those ones. They definitely in high school. Almost the opposite of the slow driver, motorcycles will cut you off because, darn it, they have things to do that are obviously more important than manners. Changing lanes abruptly in a high school highway is dangerous and just frelling annoying. It needs to be stopped. I recommend something with piranhas.
I'm sure that at least one of you has had an encounter with one of these terrible drivers. (if you haven't, you obviously have never even been IN a high school) Which driver type mentioned here do you dislike the most? And do you have any solutions as to how to deal with the jerkfaces? Do tell. :)
2/27/12
I'm Singin' My Blues~♪
Hope you enjoy it! Or maybe you'll end up not liking it. Either way, tell me your thoughts!
2/26/12
MYAH!
I've realized how truly terrible I am at comebacks. Or really just any kind of clever planned out line. If I happen to say something funny, 98.42% of the time it's unplanned. Completely spontaneous.
It's pretty pathetic. During those times where a clever comeback is absolutely necessary I usually resort to something like this: "Yeah, we'll you're, uh... Uh... MYAH!"
I know it makes no sense. I suppose that's the point. Then again, there really is no point. It's just my frenzied brain trying to think of something witty without totally herping. Which fails, of course. Miserably I might add.
Most often, after one of these meetings occur, and I am left outwitted, I simply can't leave things alone. I seem to not be able to accept that I was out-witted, and sometimes lie awake in my bed trying to think of some one-liner that could REALLY crush 'em. (I know. I'm a great person) Sometimes a clever line does in fact pop into my head at around midnight, but by the next time I see the person who out-witted me in the first place, it becomes quite the moot point. If I pursued the matter anymore, my herp factor would shoot up like eighty percent. Though the fact that I spend so much time thinking about these things is probably proof enough that I have quite enough herp for the average non-lizard.
It's pretty pathetic. During those times where a clever comeback is absolutely necessary I usually resort to something like this: "Yeah, we'll you're, uh... Uh... MYAH!"
I know it makes no sense. I suppose that's the point. Then again, there really is no point. It's just my frenzied brain trying to think of something witty without totally herping. Which fails, of course. Miserably I might add.
Most often, after one of these meetings occur, and I am left outwitted, I simply can't leave things alone. I seem to not be able to accept that I was out-witted, and sometimes lie awake in my bed trying to think of some one-liner that could REALLY crush 'em. (I know. I'm a great person) Sometimes a clever line does in fact pop into my head at around midnight, but by the next time I see the person who out-witted me in the first place, it becomes quite the moot point. If I pursued the matter anymore, my herp factor would shoot up like eighty percent. Though the fact that I spend so much time thinking about these things is probably proof enough that I have quite enough herp for the average non-lizard.
2/25/12
Brain vs. Stomach (The Battle of Guilt)
Self-control and I have had quite a few fist-fights in the past seventeen years.
Its been somewhat of a constant battle, one that I like to think I've gained some ground on. Especially late this summer, when I decided to change my eating habits to accommodate for a healthier lifestyle. I've been trying to stay on a constant routine of eating better and not over-indulging. (though honestly, the self-control thing applies to more than just food) But sometimes my silly stomach gets in the way of my struggling brain and convinces it that making stupid over-indulgence decisions WON'T hinder me in the near future.
Studies show that ten out of ten times your stomach tries to convince your brain to do something it doesn't want to do, it's a bad idea.
At times I try and justify my over-indulgences, thinking things like, "Nah, it'll be fine. It's really not that much." or "Nah. It's only for one day, after all." But then I end up doing it and banging my head against a hard surface wondering why I did it. More often than not these days, my brain is able to keep control and make good decisions. Decisions that I may pout about when I make them but be happy about later. And that's the thing with over-indulging... I feel extremely guilty after I do it.
In addition to (usually) feeling sick, my conscience rips me a new one. I mentally berate myself for having no self-control and promise that next time the opportunity comes, I won't seize it. I think that there's probably more to it than that though.
I've been coming to the slow and kind of freaky realization that after I over-indulge, my brain goes into kind of a "bio hazard" mode and forbids anything else that I could possibly over-indulge on to enter my system. Aka, I convince myself that I'm not hungry for, more often than not, the rest of the day. And don't worry! It's not like I'm anorexic or anything! I just thing that I get really guilty when I "cheat", and because of that I'm literally not hungry for the rest of the day. I don't think I'm starving myself, though it is a little scary that it's possible for your brain to convince your stomach of things that aren't really happening...
So yeah. Self-control. The fights have certainly gotten less gruesome for me. When they happen now, it's in small bouts. It's not often. The challenge, though, is making it so that the fights never happen.
That will take a little more practice.
Its been somewhat of a constant battle, one that I like to think I've gained some ground on. Especially late this summer, when I decided to change my eating habits to accommodate for a healthier lifestyle. I've been trying to stay on a constant routine of eating better and not over-indulging. (though honestly, the self-control thing applies to more than just food) But sometimes my silly stomach gets in the way of my struggling brain and convinces it that making stupid over-indulgence decisions WON'T hinder me in the near future.
Studies show that ten out of ten times your stomach tries to convince your brain to do something it doesn't want to do, it's a bad idea.
At times I try and justify my over-indulgences, thinking things like, "Nah, it'll be fine. It's really not that much." or "Nah. It's only for one day, after all." But then I end up doing it and banging my head against a hard surface wondering why I did it. More often than not these days, my brain is able to keep control and make good decisions. Decisions that I may pout about when I make them but be happy about later. And that's the thing with over-indulging... I feel extremely guilty after I do it.
In addition to (usually) feeling sick, my conscience rips me a new one. I mentally berate myself for having no self-control and promise that next time the opportunity comes, I won't seize it. I think that there's probably more to it than that though.
I've been coming to the slow and kind of freaky realization that after I over-indulge, my brain goes into kind of a "bio hazard" mode and forbids anything else that I could possibly over-indulge on to enter my system. Aka, I convince myself that I'm not hungry for, more often than not, the rest of the day. And don't worry! It's not like I'm anorexic or anything! I just thing that I get really guilty when I "cheat", and because of that I'm literally not hungry for the rest of the day. I don't think I'm starving myself, though it is a little scary that it's possible for your brain to convince your stomach of things that aren't really happening...
So yeah. Self-control. The fights have certainly gotten less gruesome for me. When they happen now, it's in small bouts. It's not often. The challenge, though, is making it so that the fights never happen.
That will take a little more practice.
2/22/12
Masks
Sometimes I stop and think about the different masks that people wear. It's really interesting to me.
There's a difference between having masks and being "two-faced" of course. The biggest difference, I think, is that everyone has masks whether they think it or not (though some may have more or less than others).
Take me, for example. A (arguably) normal student. I have many masks. There's the "Teachers/Adults" mask, "Parents", "Friends", "Classmates/Aquaintaces", "Strangers", "Family"... The list could probably go on. I act differently around each of these groups of people. I mean, everyone has different ways they act around different people, it's not exactly a strange thing. But I think it's curious at the least.
I wonder if it's some kind of survival instinct. You wouldn't talk to your parents the same way you might talk to your friends at school; that could get you into trouble. Maybe it's just common sense. Or maybe its even some kind of a deep-rooted desire by humans to be accepted by everyone they meet. I know, that's a little philosophical and "Pysch 101", but I think about this a lot!
Some people just naturally want to be people pleasers (historically, I have been prone to this), while others claim they don't care what other people think of them. Which I think is a lie. To some extent, you always care about what people think of you. A lot of times, the people that claim they don't care are just insecure. One of my brothers is kind of like that...
So I suppose that means people do have some kind of a natural longing to be accepted. Probably because we have a "pack animal" mentality. We aren't geared to be loners, really. That's why love in all of its many forms exists. (well... one of the many reasons, I think)
But can masks be taken too far? When I think of that, for some reason I think of "method actors" that get so wrapped up in their characters that they lose themselves. Of course, you don't want to act like a completely different person around each different "group" you associate with throughout the day. That makes people distance themselves from you because they don't know who you really are.
Kind of a scary thought... Losing yourself.
There's a difference between having masks and being "two-faced" of course. The biggest difference, I think, is that everyone has masks whether they think it or not (though some may have more or less than others).
Take me, for example. A (arguably) normal student. I have many masks. There's the "Teachers/Adults" mask, "Parents", "Friends", "Classmates/Aquaintaces", "Strangers", "Family"... The list could probably go on. I act differently around each of these groups of people. I mean, everyone has different ways they act around different people, it's not exactly a strange thing. But I think it's curious at the least.
I wonder if it's some kind of survival instinct. You wouldn't talk to your parents the same way you might talk to your friends at school; that could get you into trouble. Maybe it's just common sense. Or maybe its even some kind of a deep-rooted desire by humans to be accepted by everyone they meet. I know, that's a little philosophical and "Pysch 101", but I think about this a lot!
Some people just naturally want to be people pleasers (historically, I have been prone to this), while others claim they don't care what other people think of them. Which I think is a lie. To some extent, you always care about what people think of you. A lot of times, the people that claim they don't care are just insecure. One of my brothers is kind of like that...
So I suppose that means people do have some kind of a natural longing to be accepted. Probably because we have a "pack animal" mentality. We aren't geared to be loners, really. That's why love in all of its many forms exists. (well... one of the many reasons, I think)
But can masks be taken too far? When I think of that, for some reason I think of "method actors" that get so wrapped up in their characters that they lose themselves. Of course, you don't want to act like a completely different person around each different "group" you associate with throughout the day. That makes people distance themselves from you because they don't know who you really are.
Kind of a scary thought... Losing yourself.
2/21/12
Lovely Rain
I find the sound of rain very relaxing. It's a great sleep aid, actually. And despite my terrifying phobia of being damp, I do love the rain (Irony?). Hearing rain fall outside for some reason makes me feel very safe and warm.
Tea is a great stress-relieving agent as well. Hot tea, that is. I suppose other hot drinks could be relaxing, but none work as well for me as tea.
The sound of a cello/violin/viola (When played well, mind you), is also quite relaxing to me. I don't know why. Music can be a curious thing.
What are some things that relax you?
Tea is a great stress-relieving agent as well. Hot tea, that is. I suppose other hot drinks could be relaxing, but none work as well for me as tea.
The sound of a cello/violin/viola (When played well, mind you), is also quite relaxing to me. I don't know why. Music can be a curious thing.
What are some things that relax you?
Miss Moriarty's Guide To Crazy
I have neurotic tendencies. Mixed together with an unhealthy dose of OCD.
I don't know when it started, but ask any good friend of mine, and they can tell you that there are times when I lose my mind for no good reason at all. The freakouts are usually only set off by certain things, though my mind has been prone to spontaneous combustion (metaphorically of course), causing fierce gesticulations, crazy glints in my eyes, and nonsense sentences/language. Lack of coherent speaking skills has also been known to happen.
I become extremely agitated and stressed out when things are not as they should be. For example, untidiness. Untidiness in any sense of the word is apalling to me. I literally can't comprehend it. When something of my own- say my room or even my school notebooks -becomes the tiniest bit of what I deem "unclean" or "messy", I have to fix it. I don't mean that casually. I mean I HAVE to. My brain runs around in frenzied circles until I do. If I know that one of my notebooks is out of order, or if I know that my bed isn't made at home, I cannot stop thinking about it until it is fixed. It literally stresses me out. If I'm doing an assignment in class and I see that some of my letters aren't quite right, or that my alignment is slightly off, I will erase everything and rewrite it.
You can see how this might cause problems.
My insane need for symmetry and neatness has been slowly spilling over into every asset of my life. When I have a friend come over and we bring drinks into my bedroom, there MUST BE COASTERS. If the poor person happens to set their glass down on my desk with no coaster to defend the wood of the desk, all hell is guaranteed to break loose. Most of the time I don't even use real words, I just shout like a tortured soul being exorcised and pull my hair out, pointing a shaking finger at the glass until they get the picture. I am so amazed that I have as many friends as I do. You would think that my insanity would have driven them off ages ago.
The tendencies have become more like behavioral quirks (putting it lightly, really) in recent months, which is a tad frightening. I think at one point I may have been concerned, but I have now officially been completely consumed. I no longer hesitate in admitting I have a problem. I merely accept it.
I have stopped at the first step of the 12 Step Program to recovery, and I think I'm setting up camp there.
I don't know when it started, but ask any good friend of mine, and they can tell you that there are times when I lose my mind for no good reason at all. The freakouts are usually only set off by certain things, though my mind has been prone to spontaneous combustion (metaphorically of course), causing fierce gesticulations, crazy glints in my eyes, and nonsense sentences/language. Lack of coherent speaking skills has also been known to happen.
I become extremely agitated and stressed out when things are not as they should be. For example, untidiness. Untidiness in any sense of the word is apalling to me. I literally can't comprehend it. When something of my own- say my room or even my school notebooks -becomes the tiniest bit of what I deem "unclean" or "messy", I have to fix it. I don't mean that casually. I mean I HAVE to. My brain runs around in frenzied circles until I do. If I know that one of my notebooks is out of order, or if I know that my bed isn't made at home, I cannot stop thinking about it until it is fixed. It literally stresses me out. If I'm doing an assignment in class and I see that some of my letters aren't quite right, or that my alignment is slightly off, I will erase everything and rewrite it.
You can see how this might cause problems.
My insane need for symmetry and neatness has been slowly spilling over into every asset of my life. When I have a friend come over and we bring drinks into my bedroom, there MUST BE COASTERS. If the poor person happens to set their glass down on my desk with no coaster to defend the wood of the desk, all hell is guaranteed to break loose. Most of the time I don't even use real words, I just shout like a tortured soul being exorcised and pull my hair out, pointing a shaking finger at the glass until they get the picture. I am so amazed that I have as many friends as I do. You would think that my insanity would have driven them off ages ago.
The tendencies have become more like behavioral quirks (putting it lightly, really) in recent months, which is a tad frightening. I think at one point I may have been concerned, but I have now officially been completely consumed. I no longer hesitate in admitting I have a problem. I merely accept it.
I have stopped at the first step of the 12 Step Program to recovery, and I think I'm setting up camp there.
2/18/12
A Chilly Rant
I'm not a huge fan of snow. If it could so kindly STOP snowing, that would be just great.
It may be my selfishness and dislike for being cold talking here, but snow and I have never really gotten along, and I'd appreciate it if the stuff left when it was supposed to and let us have spring at the normal time. :/ Actually, here we usually jump right from winter into summer with maybe one rainy "spring" day thrown in towards the middle of winter. It's enough to make someone go crazy... (No snarky comments Sherly. I happen to be perfectly sane.)
Snow just gets in the way of everything, the way I see it. I realize that it's very beautiful, but only when you're sitting inside with a blanket wrapped around yourself sipping hot chocolate. Snow actually seems pretty scary most of the time, at least to me. Driving on a highway while snow's coming down can be hellish, and people already drive faster than they're supposed to anyway. Yup, I look at snow and think of car accidents. As grim as it is, it's true.
Actually, I think of a lot of things when I see snow falling.
"Great. The tennis team won't be on actual courts until April if we're lucky."
"I hope my car doesn't get re-buried."
"I hope I don't get stuck in our driveway again."
"Looks like a two coat kind of day. I hope I don't get too wet."
"Good God, if I get wet then I'll be DAMP ALL DAY."
That last one is legitimately terrifying to me. But my fear of dampness is a story for another time.
Anyway, good luck dodging the snow everyone. ... Oh wait. You can't. It's everywhere.
Too bad. Tootles~!
It may be my selfishness and dislike for being cold talking here, but snow and I have never really gotten along, and I'd appreciate it if the stuff left when it was supposed to and let us have spring at the normal time. :/ Actually, here we usually jump right from winter into summer with maybe one rainy "spring" day thrown in towards the middle of winter. It's enough to make someone go crazy... (No snarky comments Sherly. I happen to be perfectly sane.)
Snow just gets in the way of everything, the way I see it. I realize that it's very beautiful, but only when you're sitting inside with a blanket wrapped around yourself sipping hot chocolate. Snow actually seems pretty scary most of the time, at least to me. Driving on a highway while snow's coming down can be hellish, and people already drive faster than they're supposed to anyway. Yup, I look at snow and think of car accidents. As grim as it is, it's true.
Actually, I think of a lot of things when I see snow falling.
"Great. The tennis team won't be on actual courts until April if we're lucky."
"I hope my car doesn't get re-buried."
"I hope I don't get stuck in our driveway again."
"Looks like a two coat kind of day. I hope I don't get too wet."
"Good God, if I get wet then I'll be DAMP ALL DAY."
That last one is legitimately terrifying to me. But my fear of dampness is a story for another time.
Anyway, good luck dodging the snow everyone. ... Oh wait. You can't. It's everywhere.
Too bad. Tootles~!
Hipsters and Nazis
I was in Seattle last night for a wonderful experience at the Richard Hugo House. It was lots of fun, but I couldn't help realizing how truly out of place I felt there. You could kinda tell I was from a small town.
First of all, I came to the realization that everyone in Seattle is a hipster. Just about everyone at the Hugo House- and even just walking around on the streets -was dressed so stylishly... Couple that with a love for poetry/the arts, and you've got yourself a hipster! It made me feel a little self-aware, and kind awestruck. (There was a young woman there with ridiculous high heels on that looked like they were stained glass windows, but they were SHOES! My mind was blown all over the walls)
Second, I came to the realization that I am afraid of people walking around Seattle's streets. God forbid it was a man, and if he had his hood up that skyrocketed his scary points. Automatically in my mind he was some kind of serial killer or something else unpleasant. My good friend John and I were holding on to each other very tightly, squealing like the girls we are every time we saw someone also stalking the streets of Seattle at night. (I suppose that makes us hypocrites... I wonder what two strange, seemingly paranoid, flaily-y girls must look like to the other people on the street) We were freaked out from the minute we parked the car. At least I was.
Maybe because right when we stepped out, Johnny turned to me and said, "Oh my God, there's a swastika on the post over there."
Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore.
First of all, I came to the realization that everyone in Seattle is a hipster. Just about everyone at the Hugo House- and even just walking around on the streets -was dressed so stylishly... Couple that with a love for poetry/the arts, and you've got yourself a hipster! It made me feel a little self-aware, and kind awestruck. (There was a young woman there with ridiculous high heels on that looked like they were stained glass windows, but they were SHOES! My mind was blown all over the walls)
Second, I came to the realization that I am afraid of people walking around Seattle's streets. God forbid it was a man, and if he had his hood up that skyrocketed his scary points. Automatically in my mind he was some kind of serial killer or something else unpleasant. My good friend John and I were holding on to each other very tightly, squealing like the girls we are every time we saw someone also stalking the streets of Seattle at night. (I suppose that makes us hypocrites... I wonder what two strange, seemingly paranoid, flaily-y girls must look like to the other people on the street) We were freaked out from the minute we parked the car. At least I was.
Maybe because right when we stepped out, Johnny turned to me and said, "Oh my God, there's a swastika on the post over there."
Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore.
2/17/12
Feelings n' Stuff
I've come to realize how much I appreciate my friends and how lucky I am to have them around.
They really make my entire day LOADS better.
I can't explain it, but being with friends that you truly love always seems to put one in a better mood.
Sherly, John, Mycroft, you guys should know I mean you. :)
They really make my entire day LOADS better.
I can't explain it, but being with friends that you truly love always seems to put one in a better mood.
Sherly, John, Mycroft, you guys should know I mean you. :)
2/16/12
I'd Call It A Herp Post...
You ever have those days when you don't really have ONE creative bone in your body? It's a little unnerving...
Especially when you think that deep within you, some creative masterpiece is going to just spring up to life. Or you'll say something really meaningful and profound. Yup. It takes a little while, but eventually during one of these days, you realize that your creative masterpiece just is not happening. And then comes the facepalm moment: "Wow, I really thought I was gonna be awesome for a while."
Herp Days. I definitely have them. All the time. I probably exceed the healthy amount. Just thought I'd let you guys know (Guys? Plural? Nah. I'm reaching there. :P) the kind of person whose thoughts you're going to be peering into.
... What a way to start my blog, huh?? :D
Especially when you think that deep within you, some creative masterpiece is going to just spring up to life. Or you'll say something really meaningful and profound. Yup. It takes a little while, but eventually during one of these days, you realize that your creative masterpiece just is not happening. And then comes the facepalm moment: "Wow, I really thought I was gonna be awesome for a while."
Herp Days. I definitely have them. All the time. I probably exceed the healthy amount. Just thought I'd let you guys know (Guys? Plural? Nah. I'm reaching there. :P) the kind of person whose thoughts you're going to be peering into.
... What a way to start my blog, huh?? :D
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