Hope you enjoy it! Or maybe you'll end up not liking it. Either way, tell me your thoughts!
2/27/12
I'm Singin' My Blues~♪
Hope you enjoy it! Or maybe you'll end up not liking it. Either way, tell me your thoughts!
2/26/12
MYAH!
I've realized how truly terrible I am at comebacks. Or really just any kind of clever planned out line. If I happen to say something funny, 98.42% of the time it's unplanned. Completely spontaneous.
It's pretty pathetic. During those times where a clever comeback is absolutely necessary I usually resort to something like this: "Yeah, we'll you're, uh... Uh... MYAH!"
I know it makes no sense. I suppose that's the point. Then again, there really is no point. It's just my frenzied brain trying to think of something witty without totally herping. Which fails, of course. Miserably I might add.
Most often, after one of these meetings occur, and I am left outwitted, I simply can't leave things alone. I seem to not be able to accept that I was out-witted, and sometimes lie awake in my bed trying to think of some one-liner that could REALLY crush 'em. (I know. I'm a great person) Sometimes a clever line does in fact pop into my head at around midnight, but by the next time I see the person who out-witted me in the first place, it becomes quite the moot point. If I pursued the matter anymore, my herp factor would shoot up like eighty percent. Though the fact that I spend so much time thinking about these things is probably proof enough that I have quite enough herp for the average non-lizard.
It's pretty pathetic. During those times where a clever comeback is absolutely necessary I usually resort to something like this: "Yeah, we'll you're, uh... Uh... MYAH!"
I know it makes no sense. I suppose that's the point. Then again, there really is no point. It's just my frenzied brain trying to think of something witty without totally herping. Which fails, of course. Miserably I might add.
Most often, after one of these meetings occur, and I am left outwitted, I simply can't leave things alone. I seem to not be able to accept that I was out-witted, and sometimes lie awake in my bed trying to think of some one-liner that could REALLY crush 'em. (I know. I'm a great person) Sometimes a clever line does in fact pop into my head at around midnight, but by the next time I see the person who out-witted me in the first place, it becomes quite the moot point. If I pursued the matter anymore, my herp factor would shoot up like eighty percent. Though the fact that I spend so much time thinking about these things is probably proof enough that I have quite enough herp for the average non-lizard.
2/25/12
Brain vs. Stomach (The Battle of Guilt)
Self-control and I have had quite a few fist-fights in the past seventeen years.
Its been somewhat of a constant battle, one that I like to think I've gained some ground on. Especially late this summer, when I decided to change my eating habits to accommodate for a healthier lifestyle. I've been trying to stay on a constant routine of eating better and not over-indulging. (though honestly, the self-control thing applies to more than just food) But sometimes my silly stomach gets in the way of my struggling brain and convinces it that making stupid over-indulgence decisions WON'T hinder me in the near future.
Studies show that ten out of ten times your stomach tries to convince your brain to do something it doesn't want to do, it's a bad idea.
At times I try and justify my over-indulgences, thinking things like, "Nah, it'll be fine. It's really not that much." or "Nah. It's only for one day, after all." But then I end up doing it and banging my head against a hard surface wondering why I did it. More often than not these days, my brain is able to keep control and make good decisions. Decisions that I may pout about when I make them but be happy about later. And that's the thing with over-indulging... I feel extremely guilty after I do it.
In addition to (usually) feeling sick, my conscience rips me a new one. I mentally berate myself for having no self-control and promise that next time the opportunity comes, I won't seize it. I think that there's probably more to it than that though.
I've been coming to the slow and kind of freaky realization that after I over-indulge, my brain goes into kind of a "bio hazard" mode and forbids anything else that I could possibly over-indulge on to enter my system. Aka, I convince myself that I'm not hungry for, more often than not, the rest of the day. And don't worry! It's not like I'm anorexic or anything! I just thing that I get really guilty when I "cheat", and because of that I'm literally not hungry for the rest of the day. I don't think I'm starving myself, though it is a little scary that it's possible for your brain to convince your stomach of things that aren't really happening...
So yeah. Self-control. The fights have certainly gotten less gruesome for me. When they happen now, it's in small bouts. It's not often. The challenge, though, is making it so that the fights never happen.
That will take a little more practice.
Its been somewhat of a constant battle, one that I like to think I've gained some ground on. Especially late this summer, when I decided to change my eating habits to accommodate for a healthier lifestyle. I've been trying to stay on a constant routine of eating better and not over-indulging. (though honestly, the self-control thing applies to more than just food) But sometimes my silly stomach gets in the way of my struggling brain and convinces it that making stupid over-indulgence decisions WON'T hinder me in the near future.
Studies show that ten out of ten times your stomach tries to convince your brain to do something it doesn't want to do, it's a bad idea.
At times I try and justify my over-indulgences, thinking things like, "Nah, it'll be fine. It's really not that much." or "Nah. It's only for one day, after all." But then I end up doing it and banging my head against a hard surface wondering why I did it. More often than not these days, my brain is able to keep control and make good decisions. Decisions that I may pout about when I make them but be happy about later. And that's the thing with over-indulging... I feel extremely guilty after I do it.
In addition to (usually) feeling sick, my conscience rips me a new one. I mentally berate myself for having no self-control and promise that next time the opportunity comes, I won't seize it. I think that there's probably more to it than that though.
I've been coming to the slow and kind of freaky realization that after I over-indulge, my brain goes into kind of a "bio hazard" mode and forbids anything else that I could possibly over-indulge on to enter my system. Aka, I convince myself that I'm not hungry for, more often than not, the rest of the day. And don't worry! It's not like I'm anorexic or anything! I just thing that I get really guilty when I "cheat", and because of that I'm literally not hungry for the rest of the day. I don't think I'm starving myself, though it is a little scary that it's possible for your brain to convince your stomach of things that aren't really happening...
So yeah. Self-control. The fights have certainly gotten less gruesome for me. When they happen now, it's in small bouts. It's not often. The challenge, though, is making it so that the fights never happen.
That will take a little more practice.
2/22/12
Masks
Sometimes I stop and think about the different masks that people wear. It's really interesting to me.
There's a difference between having masks and being "two-faced" of course. The biggest difference, I think, is that everyone has masks whether they think it or not (though some may have more or less than others).
Take me, for example. A (arguably) normal student. I have many masks. There's the "Teachers/Adults" mask, "Parents", "Friends", "Classmates/Aquaintaces", "Strangers", "Family"... The list could probably go on. I act differently around each of these groups of people. I mean, everyone has different ways they act around different people, it's not exactly a strange thing. But I think it's curious at the least.
I wonder if it's some kind of survival instinct. You wouldn't talk to your parents the same way you might talk to your friends at school; that could get you into trouble. Maybe it's just common sense. Or maybe its even some kind of a deep-rooted desire by humans to be accepted by everyone they meet. I know, that's a little philosophical and "Pysch 101", but I think about this a lot!
Some people just naturally want to be people pleasers (historically, I have been prone to this), while others claim they don't care what other people think of them. Which I think is a lie. To some extent, you always care about what people think of you. A lot of times, the people that claim they don't care are just insecure. One of my brothers is kind of like that...
So I suppose that means people do have some kind of a natural longing to be accepted. Probably because we have a "pack animal" mentality. We aren't geared to be loners, really. That's why love in all of its many forms exists. (well... one of the many reasons, I think)
But can masks be taken too far? When I think of that, for some reason I think of "method actors" that get so wrapped up in their characters that they lose themselves. Of course, you don't want to act like a completely different person around each different "group" you associate with throughout the day. That makes people distance themselves from you because they don't know who you really are.
Kind of a scary thought... Losing yourself.
There's a difference between having masks and being "two-faced" of course. The biggest difference, I think, is that everyone has masks whether they think it or not (though some may have more or less than others).
Take me, for example. A (arguably) normal student. I have many masks. There's the "Teachers/Adults" mask, "Parents", "Friends", "Classmates/Aquaintaces", "Strangers", "Family"... The list could probably go on. I act differently around each of these groups of people. I mean, everyone has different ways they act around different people, it's not exactly a strange thing. But I think it's curious at the least.
I wonder if it's some kind of survival instinct. You wouldn't talk to your parents the same way you might talk to your friends at school; that could get you into trouble. Maybe it's just common sense. Or maybe its even some kind of a deep-rooted desire by humans to be accepted by everyone they meet. I know, that's a little philosophical and "Pysch 101", but I think about this a lot!
Some people just naturally want to be people pleasers (historically, I have been prone to this), while others claim they don't care what other people think of them. Which I think is a lie. To some extent, you always care about what people think of you. A lot of times, the people that claim they don't care are just insecure. One of my brothers is kind of like that...
So I suppose that means people do have some kind of a natural longing to be accepted. Probably because we have a "pack animal" mentality. We aren't geared to be loners, really. That's why love in all of its many forms exists. (well... one of the many reasons, I think)
But can masks be taken too far? When I think of that, for some reason I think of "method actors" that get so wrapped up in their characters that they lose themselves. Of course, you don't want to act like a completely different person around each different "group" you associate with throughout the day. That makes people distance themselves from you because they don't know who you really are.
Kind of a scary thought... Losing yourself.
2/21/12
Lovely Rain
I find the sound of rain very relaxing. It's a great sleep aid, actually. And despite my terrifying phobia of being damp, I do love the rain (Irony?). Hearing rain fall outside for some reason makes me feel very safe and warm.
Tea is a great stress-relieving agent as well. Hot tea, that is. I suppose other hot drinks could be relaxing, but none work as well for me as tea.
The sound of a cello/violin/viola (When played well, mind you), is also quite relaxing to me. I don't know why. Music can be a curious thing.
What are some things that relax you?
Tea is a great stress-relieving agent as well. Hot tea, that is. I suppose other hot drinks could be relaxing, but none work as well for me as tea.
The sound of a cello/violin/viola (When played well, mind you), is also quite relaxing to me. I don't know why. Music can be a curious thing.
What are some things that relax you?
Miss Moriarty's Guide To Crazy
I have neurotic tendencies. Mixed together with an unhealthy dose of OCD.
I don't know when it started, but ask any good friend of mine, and they can tell you that there are times when I lose my mind for no good reason at all. The freakouts are usually only set off by certain things, though my mind has been prone to spontaneous combustion (metaphorically of course), causing fierce gesticulations, crazy glints in my eyes, and nonsense sentences/language. Lack of coherent speaking skills has also been known to happen.
I become extremely agitated and stressed out when things are not as they should be. For example, untidiness. Untidiness in any sense of the word is apalling to me. I literally can't comprehend it. When something of my own- say my room or even my school notebooks -becomes the tiniest bit of what I deem "unclean" or "messy", I have to fix it. I don't mean that casually. I mean I HAVE to. My brain runs around in frenzied circles until I do. If I know that one of my notebooks is out of order, or if I know that my bed isn't made at home, I cannot stop thinking about it until it is fixed. It literally stresses me out. If I'm doing an assignment in class and I see that some of my letters aren't quite right, or that my alignment is slightly off, I will erase everything and rewrite it.
You can see how this might cause problems.
My insane need for symmetry and neatness has been slowly spilling over into every asset of my life. When I have a friend come over and we bring drinks into my bedroom, there MUST BE COASTERS. If the poor person happens to set their glass down on my desk with no coaster to defend the wood of the desk, all hell is guaranteed to break loose. Most of the time I don't even use real words, I just shout like a tortured soul being exorcised and pull my hair out, pointing a shaking finger at the glass until they get the picture. I am so amazed that I have as many friends as I do. You would think that my insanity would have driven them off ages ago.
The tendencies have become more like behavioral quirks (putting it lightly, really) in recent months, which is a tad frightening. I think at one point I may have been concerned, but I have now officially been completely consumed. I no longer hesitate in admitting I have a problem. I merely accept it.
I have stopped at the first step of the 12 Step Program to recovery, and I think I'm setting up camp there.
I don't know when it started, but ask any good friend of mine, and they can tell you that there are times when I lose my mind for no good reason at all. The freakouts are usually only set off by certain things, though my mind has been prone to spontaneous combustion (metaphorically of course), causing fierce gesticulations, crazy glints in my eyes, and nonsense sentences/language. Lack of coherent speaking skills has also been known to happen.
I become extremely agitated and stressed out when things are not as they should be. For example, untidiness. Untidiness in any sense of the word is apalling to me. I literally can't comprehend it. When something of my own- say my room or even my school notebooks -becomes the tiniest bit of what I deem "unclean" or "messy", I have to fix it. I don't mean that casually. I mean I HAVE to. My brain runs around in frenzied circles until I do. If I know that one of my notebooks is out of order, or if I know that my bed isn't made at home, I cannot stop thinking about it until it is fixed. It literally stresses me out. If I'm doing an assignment in class and I see that some of my letters aren't quite right, or that my alignment is slightly off, I will erase everything and rewrite it.
You can see how this might cause problems.
My insane need for symmetry and neatness has been slowly spilling over into every asset of my life. When I have a friend come over and we bring drinks into my bedroom, there MUST BE COASTERS. If the poor person happens to set their glass down on my desk with no coaster to defend the wood of the desk, all hell is guaranteed to break loose. Most of the time I don't even use real words, I just shout like a tortured soul being exorcised and pull my hair out, pointing a shaking finger at the glass until they get the picture. I am so amazed that I have as many friends as I do. You would think that my insanity would have driven them off ages ago.
The tendencies have become more like behavioral quirks (putting it lightly, really) in recent months, which is a tad frightening. I think at one point I may have been concerned, but I have now officially been completely consumed. I no longer hesitate in admitting I have a problem. I merely accept it.
I have stopped at the first step of the 12 Step Program to recovery, and I think I'm setting up camp there.
2/18/12
A Chilly Rant
I'm not a huge fan of snow. If it could so kindly STOP snowing, that would be just great.
It may be my selfishness and dislike for being cold talking here, but snow and I have never really gotten along, and I'd appreciate it if the stuff left when it was supposed to and let us have spring at the normal time. :/ Actually, here we usually jump right from winter into summer with maybe one rainy "spring" day thrown in towards the middle of winter. It's enough to make someone go crazy... (No snarky comments Sherly. I happen to be perfectly sane.)
Snow just gets in the way of everything, the way I see it. I realize that it's very beautiful, but only when you're sitting inside with a blanket wrapped around yourself sipping hot chocolate. Snow actually seems pretty scary most of the time, at least to me. Driving on a highway while snow's coming down can be hellish, and people already drive faster than they're supposed to anyway. Yup, I look at snow and think of car accidents. As grim as it is, it's true.
Actually, I think of a lot of things when I see snow falling.
"Great. The tennis team won't be on actual courts until April if we're lucky."
"I hope my car doesn't get re-buried."
"I hope I don't get stuck in our driveway again."
"Looks like a two coat kind of day. I hope I don't get too wet."
"Good God, if I get wet then I'll be DAMP ALL DAY."
That last one is legitimately terrifying to me. But my fear of dampness is a story for another time.
Anyway, good luck dodging the snow everyone. ... Oh wait. You can't. It's everywhere.
Too bad. Tootles~!
It may be my selfishness and dislike for being cold talking here, but snow and I have never really gotten along, and I'd appreciate it if the stuff left when it was supposed to and let us have spring at the normal time. :/ Actually, here we usually jump right from winter into summer with maybe one rainy "spring" day thrown in towards the middle of winter. It's enough to make someone go crazy... (No snarky comments Sherly. I happen to be perfectly sane.)
Snow just gets in the way of everything, the way I see it. I realize that it's very beautiful, but only when you're sitting inside with a blanket wrapped around yourself sipping hot chocolate. Snow actually seems pretty scary most of the time, at least to me. Driving on a highway while snow's coming down can be hellish, and people already drive faster than they're supposed to anyway. Yup, I look at snow and think of car accidents. As grim as it is, it's true.
Actually, I think of a lot of things when I see snow falling.
"Great. The tennis team won't be on actual courts until April if we're lucky."
"I hope my car doesn't get re-buried."
"I hope I don't get stuck in our driveway again."
"Looks like a two coat kind of day. I hope I don't get too wet."
"Good God, if I get wet then I'll be DAMP ALL DAY."
That last one is legitimately terrifying to me. But my fear of dampness is a story for another time.
Anyway, good luck dodging the snow everyone. ... Oh wait. You can't. It's everywhere.
Too bad. Tootles~!
Hipsters and Nazis
I was in Seattle last night for a wonderful experience at the Richard Hugo House. It was lots of fun, but I couldn't help realizing how truly out of place I felt there. You could kinda tell I was from a small town.
First of all, I came to the realization that everyone in Seattle is a hipster. Just about everyone at the Hugo House- and even just walking around on the streets -was dressed so stylishly... Couple that with a love for poetry/the arts, and you've got yourself a hipster! It made me feel a little self-aware, and kind awestruck. (There was a young woman there with ridiculous high heels on that looked like they were stained glass windows, but they were SHOES! My mind was blown all over the walls)
Second, I came to the realization that I am afraid of people walking around Seattle's streets. God forbid it was a man, and if he had his hood up that skyrocketed his scary points. Automatically in my mind he was some kind of serial killer or something else unpleasant. My good friend John and I were holding on to each other very tightly, squealing like the girls we are every time we saw someone also stalking the streets of Seattle at night. (I suppose that makes us hypocrites... I wonder what two strange, seemingly paranoid, flaily-y girls must look like to the other people on the street) We were freaked out from the minute we parked the car. At least I was.
Maybe because right when we stepped out, Johnny turned to me and said, "Oh my God, there's a swastika on the post over there."
Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore.
First of all, I came to the realization that everyone in Seattle is a hipster. Just about everyone at the Hugo House- and even just walking around on the streets -was dressed so stylishly... Couple that with a love for poetry/the arts, and you've got yourself a hipster! It made me feel a little self-aware, and kind awestruck. (There was a young woman there with ridiculous high heels on that looked like they were stained glass windows, but they were SHOES! My mind was blown all over the walls)
Second, I came to the realization that I am afraid of people walking around Seattle's streets. God forbid it was a man, and if he had his hood up that skyrocketed his scary points. Automatically in my mind he was some kind of serial killer or something else unpleasant. My good friend John and I were holding on to each other very tightly, squealing like the girls we are every time we saw someone also stalking the streets of Seattle at night. (I suppose that makes us hypocrites... I wonder what two strange, seemingly paranoid, flaily-y girls must look like to the other people on the street) We were freaked out from the minute we parked the car. At least I was.
Maybe because right when we stepped out, Johnny turned to me and said, "Oh my God, there's a swastika on the post over there."
Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore.
2/17/12
Feelings n' Stuff
I've come to realize how much I appreciate my friends and how lucky I am to have them around.
They really make my entire day LOADS better.
I can't explain it, but being with friends that you truly love always seems to put one in a better mood.
Sherly, John, Mycroft, you guys should know I mean you. :)
They really make my entire day LOADS better.
I can't explain it, but being with friends that you truly love always seems to put one in a better mood.
Sherly, John, Mycroft, you guys should know I mean you. :)
2/16/12
I'd Call It A Herp Post...
You ever have those days when you don't really have ONE creative bone in your body? It's a little unnerving...
Especially when you think that deep within you, some creative masterpiece is going to just spring up to life. Or you'll say something really meaningful and profound. Yup. It takes a little while, but eventually during one of these days, you realize that your creative masterpiece just is not happening. And then comes the facepalm moment: "Wow, I really thought I was gonna be awesome for a while."
Herp Days. I definitely have them. All the time. I probably exceed the healthy amount. Just thought I'd let you guys know (Guys? Plural? Nah. I'm reaching there. :P) the kind of person whose thoughts you're going to be peering into.
... What a way to start my blog, huh?? :D
Especially when you think that deep within you, some creative masterpiece is going to just spring up to life. Or you'll say something really meaningful and profound. Yup. It takes a little while, but eventually during one of these days, you realize that your creative masterpiece just is not happening. And then comes the facepalm moment: "Wow, I really thought I was gonna be awesome for a while."
Herp Days. I definitely have them. All the time. I probably exceed the healthy amount. Just thought I'd let you guys know (Guys? Plural? Nah. I'm reaching there. :P) the kind of person whose thoughts you're going to be peering into.
... What a way to start my blog, huh?? :D
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